My dilemma solved!
I am an Indian woman. Indian society - a society bound completely to values. I believe in my society, in the values that my parents have imbibed in me. I have been a very good student and am confident to be a good lawyer. I have always wanted to achieve something significant. My mother, who has been a very 'success'ful lawyer herself has always told me that it is important to put family before career. I always wondered why she kept telling me this!
Today I spent sometime thinking about my own self, my future, my plans, my opportunities, my challenges, my setbacks and my inefficiencies and strengths. In the process, the question that I have been pondering is about success. Is success related to profession or is it personal? Would I have termed my mother a ' successful lawyer' if I had felt her vacuum at home? I am very clear about the answer which would be in the negative to my second question. I have given my answer as a child and not as a fellow lawyer. I am sure, my father who is also a lawyer would not have supported my mother had she not been a good mother and a good wife. So is true with the society which terms my mother successful. Had my mother not been efficient on her personal front, I doubt if she would be as respected as she is today.
Today I spent sometime thinking about my own self, my future, my plans, my opportunities, my challenges, my setbacks and my inefficiencies and strengths. In the process, the question that I have been pondering is about success. Is success related to profession or is it personal? Would I have termed my mother a ' successful lawyer' if I had felt her vacuum at home? I am very clear about the answer which would be in the negative to my second question. I have given my answer as a child and not as a fellow lawyer. I am sure, my father who is also a lawyer would not have supported my mother had she not been a good mother and a good wife. So is true with the society which terms my mother successful. Had my mother not been efficient on her personal front, I doubt if she would be as respected as she is today.
This analogy forced me to conclude that as a woman it is your family life that decides your success rate. I say this being completely neutral, neither supporting it nor detesting it. For me, it is a fact of the Indian society. It may be good or bad. I am not entering that arena and leave it to you people to decide it the way you want to think about it. But what is of relevance to me is the conclusion that I came to, my professional success is not solely based on my profession, infact is more based on my home than my profession. It would probably not lead to as much criticism if I were not an efficient lawyer but were a great mother, wife and daugther-in-law as it would if I were efficient at my profession and not at my homefront. This could be true for the simple reason that, the people close to my heart, whose opinions matter to me, would not need me as a lawyer and the ones who would share a relationship with me as a lawyer need not be necessarily close to my heart.
I agree that none of the abovementioned matter would matter if a person is 'individualist' and unperturbed by the perception of the society. However, I do not believe in the concept of 'individualism' as I am not completely convinced that we are 'independent' and 'individuals'. I am still affected by the society as I am inter-dependent with the society. And so the perception of the society matters to me. (I will write a post on the irony of individualism sometime in the future).
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