I love you - the three words.. magical or comical?
I am going to get married in a while. People say it is a love marriage. I believe it to be so because I chose the guy. I do not know if I love him. But I just know that I cannot imagine a life without him around me. May be that is love... I do not know.
I am writing this because, off late, I have been having such conversation with people around me who are looking for life partners. They have come up with a common statement when I have asked them as to why they have not found one yet, when they had a chance of meeting so many people. They have said " annisalilla" ( the feeling never arose). This statement has confused me.
I asked my fiance if he loves me. He says yes. But when I asked him what love is he did not know it. When I accepted his proposal, the only thought that was in my mind was ' A known devil is better than an unknown God'. I would have had to marry somebody at some point in my life. I tried analysing his personality. I did not find any reason to reject him. So I accepted. Flowers did not bloom. Music did not play. The wind never sung. Autumn did not seem Spring. The bells did not ring. I did not float in air. I had no problems with my world around before my relationship. The world did not look more beautiful after I enterd into a relationship. It was all the same. He was a good friend of mine from many days. The only change was we told to each other things that we would not have otherwise. Thats all. It was not like 'I will not live without you' from the day we decided to start a relationship. The feeling gradually developed. I knew I had to give it some time. It took me more than an year after we entered in a relationship to start feeling his indispensibility in my life. So I do not understand what they meant when they said that the feeling did not arise.
Well, this is my story. Now, what I do not understand is the nature of 'that feeling that is expected to arise' in a couple of meetings. The people to whom I have spoken to in the last couple of weeks have told me that they never felt like marrying a person. But they had no specific reasons to reject them. They were very fine to suggest them to their friends. I tried finding out if there was any particular quality/trait that they thought was incompatible with their personality. But they could not point out any. But they did not 'feel' like entering into a relationship with them. I have never been able to understand what that means. Well I am sure, its not love. Love at first sight happens only in Mills and Boons. I have neither understood the term 'happily ever after'. We will keep this aside for a moment and try and see what 'that feeling' would be. Now if they are speaking of indispensability, then take my words, it does not arise so quickly. Even a child realises its mother's importance only after three months. Indispensibility is usually associated with being habituated with any particular thing/person. To make someone a habit takes some time. If they are thinking of 'love', I think they are completely mistaken. I will tell you my reasons for that.
My friends have always told me that I am too logical and practical for things like emotions, sentiments etc. Yes. I am. I totally agree with them. I tend to analyse a lot of things categorically. I do not claim that all my analyses are right. But I am clear about things. I go by the words of Lord Denning - I may be wrong. But I am clear. So, when I may be wrong I am clearly wrong!
For me , love is a generated feeling. It is a 'give-back' to the security, praise, importance and such positivity that is showered upon us. Just like hating the negativity around us. So the combined reciprocity to the positivity around us could be what we call 'love'. When the positive feelings stop from the other end, one tends to stop 'loving' the other. When the parents do not pay attention to their children, the children stop loving the parents. The wife cannot stand the husband who cheats on her. That is when people tend to 'break-up'! So is 'love' a reciprocal feeling? But, when I read phrases like God loves all, why would God love us if it was a reciprocal feeling? According to me, He is the worst treated in the world. So he has all the reasons in the world to hate us! But He apparently loves us! So love probably is not reciprocal. It is unconditional. Well, the the transient feeling that is being misnomer- ed love, that normal beings like me and you share may not be love. Then, what is it? I do not know. But I know it is not love. I do not think I have ever been in love till now. Forget love, I will not stand my husband if he cheats on me and vice versa. So it clearly means that I am reciprocating to all the goodness, importance and security that is shown towards me. But love apparently is independent and beyond reciprocity. So, may be we do not 'love' each other. If this is true, then I doubt if there are a handful of people who have 'loved'. Well, may be it is right when they say that you are lucky if you find somebody to 'love' and and luckiest when somebody 'loves' you.
'I love you'. Really?!? haha... i don't know.
I am writing this because, off late, I have been having such conversation with people around me who are looking for life partners. They have come up with a common statement when I have asked them as to why they have not found one yet, when they had a chance of meeting so many people. They have said " annisalilla" ( the feeling never arose). This statement has confused me.
I asked my fiance if he loves me. He says yes. But when I asked him what love is he did not know it. When I accepted his proposal, the only thought that was in my mind was ' A known devil is better than an unknown God'. I would have had to marry somebody at some point in my life. I tried analysing his personality. I did not find any reason to reject him. So I accepted. Flowers did not bloom. Music did not play. The wind never sung. Autumn did not seem Spring. The bells did not ring. I did not float in air. I had no problems with my world around before my relationship. The world did not look more beautiful after I enterd into a relationship. It was all the same. He was a good friend of mine from many days. The only change was we told to each other things that we would not have otherwise. Thats all. It was not like 'I will not live without you' from the day we decided to start a relationship. The feeling gradually developed. I knew I had to give it some time. It took me more than an year after we entered in a relationship to start feeling his indispensibility in my life. So I do not understand what they meant when they said that the feeling did not arise.
Well, this is my story. Now, what I do not understand is the nature of 'that feeling that is expected to arise' in a couple of meetings. The people to whom I have spoken to in the last couple of weeks have told me that they never felt like marrying a person. But they had no specific reasons to reject them. They were very fine to suggest them to their friends. I tried finding out if there was any particular quality/trait that they thought was incompatible with their personality. But they could not point out any. But they did not 'feel' like entering into a relationship with them. I have never been able to understand what that means. Well I am sure, its not love. Love at first sight happens only in Mills and Boons. I have neither understood the term 'happily ever after'. We will keep this aside for a moment and try and see what 'that feeling' would be. Now if they are speaking of indispensability, then take my words, it does not arise so quickly. Even a child realises its mother's importance only after three months. Indispensibility is usually associated with being habituated with any particular thing/person. To make someone a habit takes some time. If they are thinking of 'love', I think they are completely mistaken. I will tell you my reasons for that.
My friends have always told me that I am too logical and practical for things like emotions, sentiments etc. Yes. I am. I totally agree with them. I tend to analyse a lot of things categorically. I do not claim that all my analyses are right. But I am clear about things. I go by the words of Lord Denning - I may be wrong. But I am clear. So, when I may be wrong I am clearly wrong!
For me , love is a generated feeling. It is a 'give-back' to the security, praise, importance and such positivity that is showered upon us. Just like hating the negativity around us. So the combined reciprocity to the positivity around us could be what we call 'love'. When the positive feelings stop from the other end, one tends to stop 'loving' the other. When the parents do not pay attention to their children, the children stop loving the parents. The wife cannot stand the husband who cheats on her. That is when people tend to 'break-up'! So is 'love' a reciprocal feeling? But, when I read phrases like God loves all, why would God love us if it was a reciprocal feeling? According to me, He is the worst treated in the world. So he has all the reasons in the world to hate us! But He apparently loves us! So love probably is not reciprocal. It is unconditional. Well, the the transient feeling that is being misnomer- ed love, that normal beings like me and you share may not be love. Then, what is it? I do not know. But I know it is not love. I do not think I have ever been in love till now. Forget love, I will not stand my husband if he cheats on me and vice versa. So it clearly means that I am reciprocating to all the goodness, importance and security that is shown towards me. But love apparently is independent and beyond reciprocity. So, may be we do not 'love' each other. If this is true, then I doubt if there are a handful of people who have 'loved'. Well, may be it is right when they say that you are lucky if you find somebody to 'love' and and luckiest when somebody 'loves' you.
'I love you'. Really?!? haha... i don't know.
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